Jealousy in romance is particularly insidious because the jealous person alone spends their entire life believing it is naturally excusable simply because it stems from love.
Since it is rooted in love, it is seen as beautiful and easy to justify; no matter what they do or say—even if it is bizarrely childish—people tend to brush it off with a gentle smile, thinking, “Well, it’s romance, so it’s cute,” or “It’s romance, so it must be pure,” or “I suppose there’s nothing to be done about it…”
As evidenced by the current focus on issues like dating violence, others already recognize jealous behavior in romance as abnormal.
Therefore, as of 2026, it is a widely accepted fact that only the jealous person themselves continues to believe throughout their life that romantic jealousy is naturally excusable because it stems from love.
I will present a set of criteria that allows you to immediately determine whether a person fits the description of this behavior—which, despite the fact that you aren’t even dating, have barely spoken to them (barely), and don’t even remember them—is labeled with the ancient, delicate (modest) name “jealousy,” a term that belies the lightness, childishness, and juvenile nature of the behavior, which, when done by an adult, is an obsessive action that has gone off the rails.
Whether before or after becoming partners, a person’s romantic jealousy reveals their emotional maturity in matters of love.
No matter how socially mature they may appear, or how intellectual their profession may be, if they engage in jealous behavior—even toward someone who is merely an acquaintance or less, let alone a partner—and use that behavior as an excuse, refusing to accept it and blaming the other person for not paying attention to them, claiming that the person who made them develop one-sided romantic feelings is at fault,
This reveals whether they casually cling to such an absurd rationale.
Exploiting the age-old Japanese misconception that “children are pure,” they claim that childish, immature behavior and speech are simply a form of purity.
They alone are convinced that an immature emotional maturity in romance is a manifestation of purity, insisting, “I possess the cuteness of a girl (or boy).”
Normally, they act mature (←!!), but when they’re jealous, they become childish, or they just stand silently by their side (which is creepy, right?), waiting for the other person to notice them.
When that period becomes completely irrational, and they want to somehow make the other person feel the misery of being ignored or the frustration of being treated coldly—or just to vent their frustration—they start attacking.
(I’m ignoring them because they’re scary, though. It’s at a level where I shouldn’t provoke them at that point.)
Moreover, I shamelessly allow myself to believe that if they eventually come to think this gap is cute, I’ll be treated like a child only when it suits me.
If it’s acceptable for the other person to act like a child too (in this case, choosing impulsive actions— on the grounds that children are immature), then surely it should be okay to knock such a bizarre person down, right? Even if they’re a woman, or a smaller person.
But if you do that, they’ll become confused, and even if you chase them away by telling them to leave, they’ll keep acting in ways that no one can understand.
If you can determine that the other person’s emotional maturity regarding romance is 20 years old or younger only during episodes of romantic jealousy, then it’s better to distance yourself.
If their actions are driven by romance, they genuinely believe that as long as it’s out of jealousy, the other person will forgive them no matter what they do.
Don’t focus on their attitude or tone of voice—just look at the specific actions they’re choosing because of romantic jealousy.
Even though they have no business being there and aren’t even that close to you, they show up unannounced without contacting you first, and even when you ask them to leave, they don’t respond (It’s as if they can’t hear you, isn’t it? Aren’t they usually smiling while looking off into the distance?), talking only about their own business, or always standing right next to your desk?
Or do they seem to feel they have to stand right next to your desk even for a casual chat, going out of their way to come there (even leaving their own work to do so!), finding someone to talk to, and having a conversation just loud enough for you to hear?
Even though you’re at work, aren’t there men and women around you who, just to get your attention, suddenly start speaking in an excited voice, have an oddly high-pitched tone, or keep speaking unnecessarily loudly?
Jealous behavior reveals one’s emotional maturity in romance.
You should let them know that the whole world already knows that people who get jealous act comically.
Enamel
Just a quick note.
Emotional maturity in romance isn’t the same as experience in romance.
It refers to how much your emotional and mental state in matters of the heart matches—or exceeds—your actual age.
In other words, even if it’s your first love, it’s perfectly normal for someone with an emotional maturity of 30 to exhibit jealous behavior.
Many young people today take great care to look their best.
There are those with a chic style, those with a casual style, those with a geeky yet glamorous beauty, and those with a nerdy, modern intellectual or bohemian student vibe—a casual yet standard look—who eventually rise to prominence in office politics, possessing a tough yet supple and quiet beauty.
So, since romance is a very private matter, I don’t want this article to be taken as a tedious lecture, so I’m adding this clarification.
I’m not particularly experienced in romance, but lately I’ve been asked some strange questions.
Don’t you ever feel jealous of your partner?
A: No, I don’t.
Wouldn’t you be jealous if they had someone else?
A: If I found out, I’d tell them.
How would you do that?
A: “You have a romantic partner besides me, don’t you? Please don’t get any closer to that person.”
Is that it?
A: Yes. If they don’t comply with my request, I won’t pursue the matter any further.
“You have someone else, don’t you? I don’t want to lose you, so please stop seeing that person.” And that’s the end of my request.
A: If they don’t comply, it means they’ve chosen someone else over me.
My relationship with that person ends the moment they refuse my “no,” so I’ll start preparing for what comes next.
From that point on, they are no longer my partner, so there’s no need to feel jealous or express that jealousy to them.
A: As an innocent joke, I’ve acted out a “jealousy comedy” for about a minute on occasion, but it’s happened fewer than three times in the past few decades. That’s because the other person burst out laughing and seemed to enjoy it.
Whether you can understand this or not determines whether your emotional maturity in love is that of a child or an adult.
You can tell whether someone is engaging in simply ridiculous and bizarre behavior—such as paranoid actions, childish remarks, or irrational behavior—just because it’s “for love,” and whether they’re the kind of person who thinks only they find it amusing.
That’s all for the additional notes.
Enamel
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)
